The Way We Were ...

Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to the people in these pictures ...

... then I remember that life took over.

For the past couple weekends we've been spending sometime with a newly married couple. At the end of this weekend I said to my husband ... "that drove me crazy how they are always kissing each other and telling each other they love each other every 2 minutes as though one might forget".

For some reason it really bothered me - and not just because we were playing Settlers of Catan - which I take very seriously and don't like people do anything but focus on the game :-) It seemed to be a reason deeper than that.

Then at some point yesterday morning I realized that maybe the reason that it drove me so crazy was because deep down I wanted that to be Travis & I. It was at one time and now here we are years later and while we always tell each other I love you it's not that same as the I love yous of newly weds. It's more the I love you can you pick up milk on your way home kind of I love you.

When we got married we always said that we were going to go aways somewhere special every year for our anniversary. Of course that was before we realized how unrealistic that goal is. Every year we are either too broke, trying to get pregnant so can't go anywhere too far from the fertility doctor or (for the last two years) because I am pregnant. We got married on the 4th of July which in and of itself makes it hard to work with so sometimes I think we've just given up.

I always say that at some point when the kids are all grown we will have lots of time together but some days I don't want to wait. I want to go back to the way we were - when we could talk uninterrupted - when we kissed each other a million times a day and said I love you in a way that meant I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. The kind of I love you when you look into each others eye and feel the love for each other. I guess that would be the kind of look that says we have no kids, no worries at work and money isn't ever an issue :-)

So after pouring my hormonal emotions out to Travis in an email yesterday we are trying to start a new though not at the extreme of newly weds - we are in our 30's and have been married for a lot of years :-) but we are going to at least go out to dinner together once a month and we are going to make sure to take time to tell each other I love you - not just in passing - but for real I love yous and kiss each other at least when we get home at the end of the day. We always kiss each other before we go to bed so that one is still a keeper - we just need to add to it a bit.

We tried this last night but as Travis arrived home I was making dinner, arguing with Ashleigh, loading the dishwasher, making bottles and lunches for the next day and Adam was screaming his head off ... but after we got things under control we did sneak in a kiss and an I love you :-)

So I've come to the conclusion that maybe we aren't newly weds anymore but at least we care and love each other enough to try and remind ourselves that we married each other for a reason and no matter how much life gets in the way we have to stop - step back - and remember that we married the people in our lives so that we could have the house, the kids, the love and the life that we find so hectic from day to day but no matter what goes on in my life I will always know that the man in these pictures will always be the man for me and that someday - many, many years from now - it will be just he & I and we will miss the kids but we will be alone together once again and while we will remember these busy 30 years of working hard, raising kids, etc we will cherish everything in our lives more because we worked together and all of those memories belong to us - not just me and not just Travis but to both us who made them together as husband and wife.

And that is what I think marriage is all about!