I need advise ...
As the time is getting nearer for Andrew to come home I am challenged once again with creating the most awesome birth announcement :-) As many of you know I prefer to create my own; original look and idea with the help of everything I can find that I even remotely like.
My dilemma this time is this ... I want to celebrate the birth and home coming of Andrew but at the same time I feel like I should mention something on the announcement about the passing of Aiden. I understand that it doesn't really matter to Andrew or Aiden for that matter but I thought that something like "We also want to remember in our hearts little Aiden Daniel who past away at only 30 hours old ...". Some people think that it's a bit morbid to bring up something so sad when the announcement should be something of a happy nature and others think it's a good think to remember him since he was part of the actual birth process. I see both sides since Aiden isn't part of the home coming I can see not putting anything especially since everyone probably knows what happened but there is still that small part of me that feel guilty like I just "forgetting" or "blowing off" the fact that I had two sons and one died ??? One of the challenges (though there are many) of my situation with losing a baby and having a baby is trying to make sure I don't dwell on the negative. I don't want Andrew to grow up and feel like I wanted Aiden more than Andrew or that I am more sad about losing Aiden than I am about having Andrew but at the same time I don't want to forget the son I lost. I loved them both very much - just as much as I love my other kids so there is no way to say I love anyone more than anyone else regardless of what the outcome in life is. I know that this is something that will carry with me for the rest of my life and I am not looking for the golden answer on everything - just a bit of advise from my friends and family on what they think the right thing to do would be on the birth announcements :-) As a heads up I am not looking for anyone to say "do what you want" because essentially I will do what I want - I just want advise on how it will be perceived either way :-)
4 comments:
I think it would be absolutley great (and appropriate) to include Aiden in the birth announcement. Aiden was born on this earth and he is part of your family. Just because he is not with you now does not mean that he needs to be forgotten or ignored.
I can't imagine anyone thinking badly of you including Aiden in the birth announcement. It makes perfect sense to me! And if I know you (which I think I do!), Andrew will never need to question your love for him. A mother loves ALL of her children and just because she loves (or misses) one doesn't take away from the love she has for the others.
I like to give advice but most people don't like to hear what I have to say. So . . . because you are specifically asking for it, I will give it a go.
I think it would be fine to just include Andrew in the birth announcement. If Aiden was the only child and did not survive, then it seems like most people would not do a birth announcement. Also, most people who receive an announcement already know that you were going to have twins and that one (Aiden) did not survive (clearly I am assuming this since I don't know you or your family or the situation).
That being said, I would be shocked if someone thought it was morbid to include Aiden in your announcement. You mentioned that you feel like you should mention something about Aiden's passing. I think there is your answer.
As far as how I would preceive the birth announcement, if it was just Andrew on the announcement, I would think that the announcement was neat but that it was sad that Aiden was not included (sad meaning that he did not survive to be on the announcement not sad that you didn't mention him). If it was both Andrew and Aiden announcing their birth, then I would think it was a little wierd since Aiden did not make it. But if the announcement announced Andrew and Aiden's birth but said something to the effect of "while we mourn and remember Aiden, we are greatful for Andrew . . .", etc. - that would be perfect.
I don't think Andrew will think that you are more sad about losing Aiden than you are excited about having him. He would probably look back and think it is neat that he had a twin brother and be equally sad that Aiden did not survive and that he did not get a chance to know him.
I don't have any children and do not know a lot about birth announcements. I am not sure if they are about how you and your family want to announce the birth or if they are about how you want your and your family's announcement of the birth to be perceived by family and friends. I think it would be more about how me and my family would want to announce the birth and I wouldn't worry as much about people's perception of it. All that to say you should "do what you want." :)
Sorry, I had to say it!
Best of luck with that decision and hopefully Andrew continues to do better. I may occasionally stalk your blog as I stalk Audgies' and Jessis'. I don't know if they like my stalking but they haven't kicked me off yet. Hopefully you won't kick me off either.
Thanks everyone for the advise - I think I know what I will do now:-)
John -
I love the stalking as you always seem to have a very open outlook on things ... plus I stalk your blog so it would be the pot calling the kettle black if I didn't think it was OK for you to stalk mine :-)
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